Virtual School is not what I need
I’m the mother to two children with special needs, most likely both autistic (I say most likely because, like many girls, my daughter masks really well in many settings). I don’t need a fully functional online school. That might work for some families, but it won’t work for my kids or for my family.
Here are five things I do need:
1. Coaching on specific things, especially related to my children’s unique needs. Like, how do I help my son hear the difference between L’s and R’s? How do I help my daughter go from being able to write short sentences to being able to write the complex and eloquent paragraphs she can give me verbally? Or, if my children have specific learning needs I’m not aware of, help me understanding what those are.
2. Tips on how to teach. Whether you are trying to go all out homeschool or just trying to help your kid solve a puzzle they brought to you, not everyone has experience or the skills to teach things. Teaching models like “I do, we do, you do” or “talk, see, do*” are elegant in their simplicity. But many of us parents have never heard of them!! Give us the readers’ digest version of how to help our kids learn what is beyond what they can learn on their own so we don’t end up fighting with our kids because we don’t know what to do.
3. Coaching related to sensory integration. One kid is making high pitched noises that feel like an ice pick to the temple, and my go to strategies aren’t working. I don’t need five hours of reading on sensory diets, which, for some reason, have always been overwhelming to me. I need the people who know my kid to give me one or two strategies they think will work. Even kids who don’t normally have sensory issues are most likely struggling right now with all the background stress (parents too — sensory needs are real needs!).
4. Coaching related to emotional awareness, acceptance, and management. Give me little bites we can use at home. My son’s therapist gave us an exercise on making the connection between thoughts and feelings, and I downloaded “being kind to siblings” from Big Life Journal. These things feel like life rafts!! I have worked in this field for a long time and have collected a lot of resources, but I’m not a psychologist, social worker, or coach. I need the people with expertise in these areas to give me tools that will help my kids now.
5. Maintaining connection to school. Connection to school is an important protective factor for children who attend school. Children all over the world didn’t suddenly become homeschoolers — they still have teachers, classmates, and relationships with others at school, and we all need to know those didn’t just all of a sudden disappear. Additionally, schools that focus about connection, human-centered relationships, have positive impacts on children and families. I need contact with the other adults who know my kids where we can be real with each other, about what is good and what is hard. My kids need this too. Kids need to know their teachers miss them, and parents and children both need to know that the schools and youth programs we trust with our kids’ have our backs right now. Small group sessions and one on one sessions with teachers focused on connection would help more than trying to do online instruction.
I don’t want to say “this is an opportunity” and implore people to look on the positive, because people who are privileged may not see how absolutely devastating this situation can be to families who do not have so many privileges because of class, racism, ableism, or isolation for any other reason. Rather, I will say that this situation creates the imperative really and truly work together as a village for our children.
*“Talk, see, do” is “praatje, plaatje, daatje” in Dutch, and is used primarily in physical education. It is also extremely helpful for children who have a hard time with reading visual information. It can be summarized as: give a clear verbal explanation, give or show a visual example, and then have the child do it.