Teaching is Different than Parenting
My children are blessed to have several adults in their lives who love them. Two things I have learned while watching these adults with my kids are these:
- Being a caring, loving empathetic adult does not make you automatically good at teaching, especially when it comes to teaching new skills or academic content.
- Even adults who think they can’t teach children anything, can learn to teach, because teaching is a skill.
I have memories of my father, who was an auto mechanic, trying to teach me to fix cars when I was a child. He wanted me to be quiet, not interrupt him with questions, and give him the tools he asked for when he asked for them, even though he had not taught me the names of the tools ahead of time. I only remember one lesson, because after that we were both so frustrated we never did it again. I’m proud to say that the father of my children has done better by them, even though he became a dad with very little experience with children.
I definitely don’t think that everyone should be doing full on homeschool right now. However, I also know that my kids love learning and want to learn new things — and that job shouldn’t fall on only one parent’s shoulders, just because one parent is ‘better at teaching things.’ Some things are easy to teach, like learning information about a subject you find interesting or learning how to cook by following a recipe (which is already broken down step by step). But my son also wants to learn to ride a bike, and my daughter wants to learn to ride hers in traffic. Both children come across new things they want to learn and understand in math and language arts. This stuff is harder to teach.
With children home all the time, chances are we are all going to come across moments of “umm…how do I teach this thing??”
Here are some thoughts, gratefully gleaned from loved ones who do this for a living:
- Start by having your child show you what they know. They may surprise you by knowing more, or less, than you think they do. Be proud of them no matter where they are — showing you was vulnerable. Meet them where they are and build from there.
- Especially when starting out, give your child the opportunity to exceed your expectations rather than fail to meet them. Build in tiny steps, with only one new thing at a time. Let them go at their own pace. Resist “just one more thing,” especially if it is clear they need a break.
- Ask questions and resist giving answers. Make sure you are quiet long enough that your child has time to think and process, and that they have the space to make mistakes. Some children, like mine, process things slowly. If you are impatient, like me, doing something like counting silently to 30 or knitting can help you remember to give them time to think.
- If you aren’t sure how to explain something, do what teachers do when they have to teach a new subject — learn with your child. Watch an instructional video together, and then ask them to explain it back to you. This is especially true with math because, dude, they changed math. Thankfully there are also lots of youtube videos showing this weird new math stuff, and once you learn it, it does actually make sense.
- Be open to your child’s curiosity. Let them ask you questions they are curious about — like, how does a bicycle balance? or why do we use tens to organize numbers? It might seem like these are unnecessary questions, but using your child’s curiosity to spark action will help them learn at a deeper level, and is a privilege of working one on one or in very small groups with our kids. If you don’t know how to answer the questions, look it up together.
I have worked with youth programs and schools for almost twenty years, have taught at the college and university level, and I love teaching children things. I also find it much easier to get frustrated and lose my patience with my own children than with other people’s children. I think this is partially because I project my own emotions and thoughts onto my children. And I’m tired and haven’t had enough coffee.
The most important thing to remember about teaching children, I think, is to make sure that you are calm and regulated when you try to teach something new. Be aware of your own emotions and any painful memories that might come up for you (like math trauma…), get your cup of coffee, take a deep breath, and go one step at a time.